Last Time
Every year since 1997, I have thrown my own birthday party. Sound narcissistic? Not at all! The idea was to gather all my friends and family around me, and to let them know how much I love and appreciate them. I’d put myself through this yearly ritual of trying to cook for everybody, usually showing up behind schedule or just worn out from cooking all night long. I ask that they not bring me gifts—I really just want to have my loved ones around.
In 2003, as I was preparing for that year’s birthday party, I thought it would be a great idea to give my friends a gift. A gift that would cause them to think about their lives and how important it is to make a choice for Jesus. During this period my heart was heavy over the condition of my friend, Rose, who was struggling with breast cancer. Rose was the first person I met when I came to the University of Maryland at College Park to audition for the graduate program in voice, back in January of 1995. I went by the music building the day before my audition, and she was the only person sitting on a bench in the hallway. We exchanged introductions, started up a lively conversation and discovered that we had many common interests. When we ended our chat, Rose said, “If you decide to study here, please know that I’ll do whatever I can to help you...”
True to her word, Rose was there for me. Those years at Maryland were tough. There was one setback after the next, but I found support and a smile in Rose, all the time. If she knew of a gig, it was mine. If there were extra tickets for a concert, they were frequently mine. She introduced me to this person, that person, got me a job teaching at the same place where she was teaching, and even took me to and from work when my car broke down. You haven’t known a friend if you haven’t experienced friendship like Rose Bello had to offer.
I didn’t want to accept that Rose was dying; I kept very positive about things, reminding her that my birthday party was coming up, and since we would have it at her parents’ house, she could not miss that year, if ever. She smiled cheerily, and promised to be there, but soon I was forced to accept that things might not go as we wished. I realized that if Rose were to make it to 2003’s birthday bash, it would be her last time. I decided to write the song, very conscious of her situation, almost as if these were words that she would say to all of her loved ones, too. I started working on the song around Wednesday, August 27, 2003. On Monday, September 1, 2003, Rose died. I hadn’t finished it yet, and she never got to hear it. Two days later, amidst an uncontrollable sea of tears I penned the last verse and chorus. This song intimately expresses my hope in Jesus’ soon return, because I call the entire group of my loved ones to make choices that will grant us a chance to live in a place where we’ll never be separated by time, space or death.
If this were the last time
Could I hope to see your faces again?
Forever is a long time
Without a memory like this one to spend.
When Jesus comes with eternity,
Will you make it to heaven with me?
Think about this moment—
If it were the last time.