Forgiveness
Click on the album picture for a sample of this song.
This is a song that comes from a very vulnerable part of me, one that bares my soul before you in a way I honestly didn’t want to share, mainly because when I was forced (yes, forced) to write this song, I hadn’t fully owned the meaning of it. All of my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood had been plagued by a difficult relationship with my Dad, one that needs not be discussed in detail, but yet, one that provided me with sufficient frustration to create a constant state of depression that would manifest itself in a few self-destructive vices. I was constantly angry; I would grind my teeth at night, suffered with insomnia, and started graying early. See what unforgiveness does to you? Meanwhile, the person you’re upset with usually enjoys a good night’s sleep, most times oblivious to your guarded frustration.
I was challenged by the realization that, if I failed to let go of my anger towards my father, and pardon him for the things that I felt were unjust, God would not forgive my own sins. The Lord’s Prayer reads, “...and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us...” As...as in meanwhile...as in “if I don’t do my part, don’t expect God to do His part”. There were many sleepless nights, pondering over the advice that many trusted colleagues and loved ones said to me, “Gylchris, you’ve got to learn how to forgive”. Finally, I looked at my haggard face in the mirror one day and said, “something has got to be better than this...if forgiveness is the only thing I need to do in order to have a life worth living, to be free of this depression, then it will be the greatest gift I give to myself...”
It was not easy. Mind you, we all feel at times that if we choose to forgive, the forgiven person must first understand the gravity of what their actions or words have done to us. Not so! Forgiveness basically says, “I will bear the burden of surviving your hurtful words and actions without blaming you.” Here’s how I was able to do it: I had lots of people praying for me, namely a God-fearing mother who saw what the years of anger were doing to her son. She gave me a photocopy of an article she found called, “Practicing the Art of Forgiveness”. I read it, prayed about it, and despite some hesitation, decided to move forward. The article basically said that forgiveness is a two-step process. Part One: We forgive because it is what Jesus would have us do, and because we realize that if we fail to forgive, then we are never forgiven. Part Two: We must continue to ask God for a spirit of forgiveness, because daily we are plagued with conversations, thoughts, events, and memories of the wrongs that we have suffered. These stimuli have the potential to send us back into the original furious state we just repented of. By continuing to implore the Savior for strength to continue to forgive, slowly but surely we get to the point where we can deal with all of the things that remind us of the past, because as the strings of our hearts are pulled, they no longer ring out with pain and hatred. This is true, because once upon a time, I could not relate this story without my heart rate going up, eyes getting red and my jaw becoming clenched. Today, I can share this experience and rejoice—for anger no longer owns me like it once did. I thank God for the prayers of those who love me.
Forgiveness was written 2 years before its premiere. I tried to avoid working on it, I tried writing other songs during the time that I was receiving its message, but I clearly heard the voice of God saying, “Nuh-uh...you are going to finish Forgiveness first...” Well, I did, and then I had another one of those “light bulb” experiences. I went to church one Sabbath, and then suddenly in the foyer found myself in the presence of a young lady I had been dating, but had not treated well. I was terrible at relationships...one thing that we often forget is that unforgiveness, allowed to reign supreme in our hearts, takes us on a carousel ride that will touch every aspect of our lives without our permission. Hearts that hate cannot love. I learned that through the many failed relationships. My pact to never let anyone hurt me led me to shut my heart off from the world around me.
I had no clue what I was in for that Sabbath morning. She saw my discomfort, my scouring the area for a convenient exit so that I could run, and then she spoke up and said: “Gylchris, I’ve been thinking about this for sometime now. You were very unkind to me. Very unkind...but I choose to forgive you”. Those words hit my ears causing them to ring with disbelief. I shamefacedly managed a quiet “thank you”. I have to admit, it was a good feeling to know that I didn’t have to run anymore, that I could look her in the eye and once again have something of her esteem. “Wow,” I thought. “If she could forgive me, then I have to be able to forgive my father...”
During that 2-year period of refusing to sing this song until I owned every word, God gave me the strength to finally put my pride aside, and to do the Jesus thing; to say, “Whether you recognize what you’ve done or not, I choose to forgive you. It’s what God would have me do.”
Friends, I went from a depressed 27-year-old with a very cynical outlook on life, to a hopeful kid again. Contact that was previously reserved and avoided opened up, a little awkward at first, due to years of estrangement; but I found purpose in making the contact, because it was what God willed in me to want. Previously my dislike of the word ‘Daddy’ caused me to find ‘Sir’ as the more palatable substitute. Having found God’s grace to forgive gave me freedom to call my father ‘Daddy’—now as I write with tears in my eyes, I thank God that He never once failed to father me, and as a premium, He gave me one more shot at being a son to the great man whose DNA imprint courses through me, whose handsome smile I am privileged to carry, whose commitment to serving others and sharing success has greatly influenced my value system. As I compare my life now with what it was, honestly, without doubt I know that I don’t ever want to go back. I can sleep at night. I am free to love, and to accept love. And most importantly, I am here, willing and able to tell you how I made it over. My God is amazing!!! Wow...Daddy—such a wonderful word, now that I’m free to know what it means...
If you choose to get your life on track
You must lose all your rights to pay him back!